Kaylyn Rutkowski - out of the fish bowl

If we were in a fairytale, Kaylyn would be a magical being of the Fae realm… a bit faery, a bit witch, a bit Goddess. Basically the norm. Nothing strange.

But we’re not in a fairytale, and so women like Kaylyn seem to awaken strange feelings in us: we’re a little curious, a little magnetised, a little surprised even… yes! Surprised by the brilliance and magic of a woman who walks the talk and embodies power whilst exuding sensuality. 

And so who is Kaylyn in this reality, here… right now?

I’ve known Kaylyn for about one year, basically since I’ve joined The Royal Shaman “Ascension” program (and that will be a whole other story! :P) … Kaylyn has been my embodiment & energetic alignment coach, every week for a year. And mostly she’s been an important figure for my evolution, because she is the first person who has taught me “I can be many aspects, and none defines me”: in short, Kaylyn is someone we’d all want to be friends with and at the same time venerate as a Goddess. Also, it’s thanks to her genius that I got inspired to create IN HER GENIUS! It’s really because I wanted to tell stories of women like her, but I didn’t have a vocabulary to match what I was noticing. Kaylyn put words to things I perceive as abstract, to feelings, to really ways of being.

Now get a cup of tea & read on - possibly giggling like we did throughout a whole half an hour ;) It’s just unfortunate you can’t hear her fragrant laugh and soak in her sexiness. 

I have a question which isn’t a question, because you’re one of those women who are so magnetic… yet I’m like, but what do you do? Now maybe after a year of knowing you I sort of understand (still you surprise me every time), but if you had to explain to normal people: what do you do Kaylyn?

Kaylyn Rutkowski: I feel that’s such a hard thing to put in one statement. What I really do is activate other people’s essences, that is the medicine that I carry. That while in my presence, they come to know themselves and awaken to their own authenticity. That is one part of the gifting I carry and how it is expressed can show up in many different ways.

As you know I love to do energetic coaching, all about alignment, embodiment, and integration. I take these non-physical properties and really bring them in the 3D to make them tangible. Really guiding people unlock more of their potential, flow, prosperity, and authenticity, by literally just being more of themselves.

Which sounds a bit nuanced but it really gets to be that easy.  

Another way that I love to express this is with quantum healing and somatics. Energy has always been my first language and quantum healing is what really got me on my own spiritual journey. From that everything all just unfolded from there: I’d be doing energetic work on people, and then that would turn into readings, which turned into coaching. I then become fascinated with Energetics and the body. Really taking my clients out of their heads, out of the stories and dropping them down into their body and connecting them with their intuition.

Our bodies are constantly communicating and guiding us. So many times I meet people who are so disembodied and failing to create change in their life because they are only focused on the mind or a top down approach. True healing takes a full body approach to regulate your nervous system and to expand your energetic capacity.
So now it’s this beautiful synergy of tool bags that I use really just to bring people home to Self. I guess that’s what I do! 

Obviously you can do that, and it’s so effective, because first you found your way home to your Self. 

Yeah, and you didn't know me previously. I would say, if you would’ve known me - and I’ve been on this journey for a good like 11 years, but even 5 years ago you probably wouldn’t even have recognised me. The beautiful thing about this is that, there’s never an end destination, there’s always a constant unfolding and there’s always a deeper layer to the onion to unpeel. But it’s finding your way back to yourself along the way, so it’s like at each opportunity, each experience reveals a different aspect of yourself, bringing you into more alignment. 

Every time I get comfortable, and say “Oh I like it, I really like this identity”, the Universe is like “Nope, let’s go!”. I love it!

When did you realise you were not “at home” and what was your first step back home? - How did you even know it was the first step in the “right” direction?

So I think like a lot of people, it was deep trauma. Up until 11 years ago I had no faith, I didn’t believe in God; I was in super victim mentality, I thought the world happened to me, my childhood happened to me, my relationships happened to me. I was actually engaged to be married at a really young age to this man who was much older than me, and he was extremely abusive mentally, physically and emotionally. We had broken up and I went into a very deep depression to the point where I was suicidal - I didn’t make attempts but I thought about it a lot. I had a very close friend of mine who was very spiritual, who I always made fun of and we joke about this to this day, she’s like “Really bitch? Like, really?”. That’s why I say if you knew me you would laugh!!

She told me to see this psychic and this psychic changed my whole life. It was in that moment when she was diving into my childhood, into my relationships, imaginary friends who I thought I had as a kid who were really angels, different things like that that I was like, “Holy shit! There is something so much bigger than this fish bowl I’ve been living in”. It was really that wakeup call that sent me on this journey where I started seeing so much more. And I didn’t even realise that I was so much more, but I just knew that there was something else and constantly following these different breadcrumbs, I met with this woman, and then I got super into spirituality after that… then started going to these events where I would meet somebody else, and it was just this beautiful journey that’s now led me here. 

And I just realised… probably speaking to your point, how did I know I wasn’t home? I just started realising all the ways that I was operating that weren’t really me. All of the things I did because I “should” or “have to “ that I truly didn’t desire. When I stopped trying to be liked or accepted by everyone- I created space to be more of myself. For example, everyone would tell you I was a party girl, I was very loud, people would even tell you I was ghetto!! I started realising I’m showing so much as a character to be accepted, to be liked, to “what everyone wanted me to be”, through that awareness I realised I wasn’t really myself.

I feel I know you, and at the same time I don’t know you.

You don’t know me because I’m always the coach.

So as I was preparing for this interview, I browsed your website for inspiration and a thought came through: it’s not always what it looks like. I’d love to unravel that with you…

Then my thought went to a brief reflection on how society’s use of image - and I mean through photography, drawing, filming, and all these visual storytelling mediums used in/for advertising - have pushed forward how certain people look, how certain professions look, how specific types of people look, and so on. So much that we became reliant solely on sight when needing to make a judgment or build an opinion, or even reading a situation. I’m wondering what are your thoughts on this and also what is the downside of relying only on our sight? And, how did this affect women the most?

I have a lot to say about this. You only perceive less than 5% of reality. Really, think about that fact that there is so much that you are experiencing that your conscious mind isn’t even awake to. When we relay only on sight we are closing ourselves off from the infinite possibilities and experiences around us. This is why I believe it’s so important to drop from our heads and get into our bodies!!! Begin to cultivate a relationship with our spirit and what is not seen by the naked eye.

I think we live in an age where social media is everything. Anybody can go out there and say anything about themselves, it’s like highlight reels of everyone’s life. But you don’t really know someone, right? You don’t really know who they are, you don’t really see their embodiment, you don’t really know their past, so you’re only getting the surface level of who somebody truly is. So I definitely see that being a huge issue. And I also see that a lot in the spiritual space, where so many people are misguided because there’s so much information that’s constantly being regurgitated. Like there is a couple people who actually have a voice, and then everything else is just regurgitated, everyone showing up pretending to be *blank*, and then guiding these people and perpetuating more of the same thing. 

So I think it really also tinted the lens of self. Like self-expression, that we see these people, they’re “successful”, they’re “happy”, they *whatever* so then we want to be a carbon copy paste of that, instead of leaning into, ‘what is my authentic expression?’. Like, ‘who really am I?’ instead of - kind of like I was speaking to you about coming home to yourself - instead of trying to do all these things that everyone says you are or should be, ‘who are YOU really?’. What do you really desire? I think when we’re only relying on sight and we’re so disconnected from self, it’s so easy to have that lens of your own one’s desires and needs really tinted. 

What’s a good way to start opening up to our intuition and all our other senses? And what’s your strongest sense?

My strongest sense is definitely feeling. I get really strong feelings when I’m around people, to the point where I literally start coughing or get physical pains in my body, which now through the years I really learned to tune into that and what it really means.

The beautiful thing is that everyone emphasises “gifting”, or senses, when everybody has them. It’s just how they show up that’s different. So it’s really just about cultivating an awareness and following those things, like for you maybe you’re just clear-cognisant and you just get those clear pings… ok, but what happens if I follow this ping? Even if it’s something this silly like go to the park or go to the store. You go to the store and maybe your best-friend’s there and you haven’t seen her in two months. You know what I mean? 

Not being attached to these things and just following them. It’s the same kind of thing when people are cultivating their relationship with their ancestors, or their intuition that way, it’s just about trusting your channel, trusting the messages that you have. And stop doubting it! The more that you begin to build trust in yourself, they give you a larger capacity of that gift. It’s all about relationships, it’s building a relationship with those parts of self.

Do you remember one of the craziest nudges you got and even though you were like wtf, you still followed it?

It was right after I went and saw that psychic. And then of course I went super woo, like OMG THE UNIVERSE IS REAL!!!!!!!! WTF, WHAT IS LIFE?????

Like literally this crazy thing.

So the first thing I did was google: how to be spiritual. People were saying to meditate, so I sat to meditate and I meditated every day - that was where I started. This is when my gifting just came online. I remember I was sitting there, closing my eyes thinking, “This is not working, this is stupid”... And then all of a sudden I see a woman, as clear as day I see in my mind’s eye, and she came toward me and started hugging me telling me that I was this healer, this channeller, and all these things. OMG I woke up from my méditation, turned the light on in my bedroom, I was opening all the windows, going OMG AM I GOING CRAZY?

And she told me, your next thing is healing. I was like, wtf does that even mean? So I googled “spiritual class”, and I ended up sitting next to these two women who were quantum healers, who kept talking to me, “We know you”. I looked at them sideways and said, “Ma’am I’ve never met you in my life” but they insisted, “No, we know you!”. Fuck are all these people crazy? I thought to myself. Then they asked me if I ever thought about energy healing, and it was this full-body chills all over me. I thought holy shit! All these weird synchronicities started showing up like that. But it was one of these things where at a meditation I decided I’m gonna go to this free class, sat next to these ladies, these ladies ended up being my mentors for like 8 years. I still have a really great relationship with them, they catapulted me on this journey. But had I been like, “I’m not a healer, I’ve never thought about healing”, then none of that ever would’ve started. And then that snowballed into readings, all these things have been like breadcrumbs that led to something else. 

It’s really not attaching to the when, the where, the how of what’s being shown to you and just getting curious and be like, But what happens if I do explore that? What’s there for me? 

So do you have a vision for your life, or do you manage to focus on the next step only and keep on following the breadcrumbs really…?

I love that! Both and. Both and.
I have a big vision for myself, I see myself eventually one day I want to have a podcast because I love speaking, I love teaching, and honestly I am living my dream life in so many ways.So when I say, Oh I want all these things for myself… I think the only thing that would change is on a bigger scale, because I’m doing the work that in this moment is the most aligned for me to do: with coaching, with teaching, with healing, with reading. There’s fulfilment in that that I’ve never felt before, and all that I had love to do is monetise on that really, reach more people, larger scales. I know that by me focusing on being that right here right now, the universe keeps opening all these doors, back alleys and side cuts to reach that. It’s just not being attached to it. 

I have a bigger vision that I would love, even maybe one day to be an author, one day to hold retreats, I have all these ideas but it’s really just maximising what I’m already being and doing right now. 

I really do love my life! It’s pretty awesome! I mean I work with the most amazing conscious beautiful humans, from around the world, that I get to guide to be more of their amazingness and essence, that create constant ripple effects in the world. The biggest things for me are service and impact, and I’m seeing in so many ways in my life how I already get to be that. Everything else unfolded in my life, how it’s been breadcrumbs. I just trust my season. Everything else has led me right here, and it’s the most amazing place, this or something better. What’s coming after this is going to be amazing, I just trust that and I focus on ‘what do I desire today?’ OK today I desire to be on this call with you and get to switch gears and have fun and this leads to something else. We don’t know the cause and effects of anything, so it’s just about leaning in to what you desire and where your highest self is pulling you. Trusting that you are resilient enough to figure it out always. And that’s kinda how I’ve been rocking life.

I love to hear that because it’s not often you come across people who truthfully exclaim “I love my life!”. Because often I see people loving bits of their life, maybe they got to work on a beach as a one-off and they suddenly realise they love their life - just not the rest 90% of it. 

Well I really do believe that we do have the power to create our reality. 

And I’m not saying that my life is perfect by saying I love my life. My life is definitely not perfect. I’m not perfect, my life is not perfect. I still have obstacles, I still have challenges that come up with my family but I am so different. How I show up despite those things in those experiences is different, which makes my reality so much different. Right now we are living literally out of boxes, my house is a tornado, I have a showing in half an hour, it’s been a crazy busy day… I’m moving and having a baby in the same week. I could feel overwhelmed, all the reasons to feel OMG!! Right? But I don’t because WOW what a blessing!

I just realised that from my journey home to self, your life is what you make it. You can be the victim and look for problems, you can look for things to be pissy about, or you can choose to be happy, to find the good things in your life. Like holy shit I’ve already created the life I love: I work from home, I have an amazing relationship, amazing babies, I have an amazing job, I’m loved and supported, I have a horse-dog. Life is pretty good. 

You know I am on the journey to becoming an entrepreneur, I still don’t feel I can call myself such. Or maybe I can. Ok, you know what? I am an entrepreneur… and today whilst at work I was reflecting upon the numerous podcasts and books I’ve read about “how to be an entrepreneur”, “what to do to be a successful entrepreneur”, and “what are the must-apply strategies” (And this is probably the reason why I’m scared to call myself an entrepreneur even when I am one!). Well today as I was meditating on this, a new intuition came to me: I don’t need a fucking “to-do” list, all I need to do is manage my energy. That’s all I need “to do”. I was considering quitting my current job but I would then end up in a similar situation if I don’t learn to manage my energy and energetic resources, especially when doing something that is not fully aligned and that’s maybe even draining. So all there is to do is to manage our own energy and take radical responsibility for our energy. I mean, “that’s all”....

Yeah like, it’s that easy? Excuse me? That was the secret sauce the whole time? 

I think what you’re really speaking to is the being VS doing. Everyone approaches almost everything in life, we can use entrepreneurship and business to start as ‘what do I have to do to get there?’, ‘what do I have to do? What do I have to do?’... Right? Always looking for the next course, the next podcast… We’ve all done it, like ‘this is gonna be the golden ticket that unlocks everything!!!!’. But the issue is you haven’t shifted who you’re being on an identity level to hold and operate at that level. It’s about expanding energetic capacity in yourself, in your body. 

So when you’re speaking about energy management, it’s really talking about embodying that identity, being that version of self. Because if “you’re doing all the things” to be an entrepreneur but you’re still operating from an employee mindset, or you don’t see yourself in that way, your subconscious mind and your nervous system is going to shut it down every single time because your conscious desires will never override your subconscious programming. It just won’t fucking do it! It can’t! Therefore it’s you fully becoming this version of self, ‘How would I think?’ ‘How would I move?’ ‘How would I process?’ ‘What would I be choosing?’ ‘ What would I not be choosing?’. And it just looks like allowing yourself the “energetic management” to be that version of self, which takes a lot of blind faith and trust because when you’re still working at a job that maybe you don’t love, or you're still living that house whatever it looks like and it’s not what you want in that moment, it’s hard to feel as if you’re that already. 

But everything in life is a past manifestation: it’s literally showing you a matrix of your beliefs up until that point. If you want to be/to have something different, it really starts with your own embodiment of first believing it’s possible, and then being as if it’s already done. Then when you’re in that energy it’s like this magical vortex pulls everything to you because of frequency alignment. It first takes you stepping up and being like, ‘Alright Universe here I am, I’ve put on my big girl pants, I’m doing the thing’, and then the Universe is like, ‘Alright now let me meet you’. But it’s not gonna give you everything when you’re not the type of person who can hold it, because 1. you can’t fucking hold it or you’re going to get it and you gonna lose it all like this and feel like going backwards. 

It’s really about addressing the being before any of the doing happens. And I also feel like the biggest thing I see with people is taking action from authentic desire: I’m doing this because it’s in alignment, I’m choosing to do it as an expression of myself VS I’m doing this course, I’m reading this book to get *blank*. It’s such a different energy to play in. It creates such a different impact in your life. 

How do you manage your energy?

For me I have different daily things that allow me to do the work. And recently I got trained in Trauma & Somatics so now this looks completely different. I realised that even I was used to using my “morning ritual” as a thing to do, not as an expression of self. So then it kind of shifted to where I check in with my body: I take a few minutes, I get on the floor, I close my eyes, I kind of scan myself and always start by asking myself ‘what do you need today?’ and ‘body, what do you need?’. Maybe she needs a hug, maybe she needs to go outside for a walk, maybe I want to take a hot shower. What is your body asking you to do? 

Then I ask myself what would be really good to do. More times than not, because I am so spiritual, it does look like doing an energetic cleansing, I love to journal, I do a lot of channellings, so sometimes it looks like I’ll sit and do some channeling, but I don’t make it look fixed on anything. I really allow my energy to guide me knowing that our energy is going to look different every day. We’re not constant. So there’s going to be days where you’re more yang, and my body is like ‘go outside, go for a run, be in nature’. Maybe it’s a more yin day, where you’re more reflective and be with yourself. It’s about cultivating a relationship with your essence, with your energy, and allowing that to be your guide. That’s how you know what energetically you need to clean up, if you’re tapping into yourself and you feel ‘Omg I’m so shallow breathe, I’m anxious, I’m feeling a lot of tension in my hips’, maybe this is asking you to slow down, to get present, to release. Maybe you tap in and you feel like you’re on fire that day, and maybe that’s the day you’re super in your creativity pulling you into those projects. But it’s about getting out of your logical mind of what you think you should be doing, or have to be doing and letting your energy, letting your essence be the guide. That is the difference. 

When I observe you talk, it’s not even about what you say, it’s just observing you speak… I’m like ‘Kaylyn you’re so “body”’. Let me try to explain, because it’s beautiful to see… What I see is like your soul is glued to your body. For the majority of my life I’ve felt like there was a gap between my soul and my body, and whenever I would come across people who I perceived didn’t have that gap, like yourself, I would feel a slight jealousy and a craving to feel that way too. Now I just like to be in awe witnessing a full embodiment. I love seeing you have built a beautiful relationship with your body. I wonder, what is your relationship with your mind?

Mmm that’s a really good question and I’m going to speak to that, but when you’re talking about living in your body, when you can feel that it’s such a soul connection I would say it feels different for me too. When I’m speaking and I know I’m coming from my authenticity, I’m coming from my intuition, I’m coming from an embodied self, it feels so different in the body then in my head and in my mind. 

So my relationship with my mind, I kind of take this now as ‘it’s just another sensory input’. Instead of believing ‘I am my mind, I am my thoughts, I am my beliefs, this is who I am up here’, I approach it now as a sensory input as an awareness sensor. Let’s say a different thought comes in, or a different idea comes in, or I start to feel something, instead of taking that and running with that, sitting with that and again getting into the body, ‘what does that feel up in my body’, ‘where does that come from?, ‘why do I believe that?’. Instead of just taking everything my mind says like maybe ‘oh this interview is going so shitty, I suck’, right? That can be a thought that comes in your head. Ok, do you take that and run with it and make that your truth or do you use it as a sensory input to begin exploring yourself and finding opportunities for more alignment? 

What is a thought? What is an idea? Are they really yours? 

No.

What I believe too is that everything is like fractals, your mind, your body and even your intuition is a sensory input - it’s picking up on different energetic frequencies, fractals and because maybe you’re operating on the same wavelength, maybe because of conditioning, maybe it’s ancestral, maybe because of trauma or whatever it is, you’re picking up on those different fractals. But it doesn’t necessarily mean they are yours, or that you are it, or they’re coming from you. So I really think disconnecting from ‘you are your mind / you are your thoughts’ and stepping into this lense where ‘I’m experiencing this thought/ I’m experiencing this emotion, I’m experiencing this idea’ and then dropping that from up here into this logical processing entity and getting into the body. What does that feel like in my body?

Everything has made all the difference when I started getting in my body more. I didn’t realise how disembodied I was, which I would’ve told you I’m so embodied but no I was still very much in my head. Your body is where your intuition lies. It’s where all of your coding is. So it’s really taking these ideas, principles, things from the head and really just dropping them down exploring the somatic experience. That made all the difference in my life.

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To know more about Kaylyn, visit her website.